Sheldon Cooper Quotes
Season 4, Episode 1: "The Robotic Manipulation"
Penny: Can I ask you a question?Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask as many as possible.
Penny: OK. Well, then, there's a couple of things you should probably know.
Sheldon: I have a master's degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.
Sheldon: Amy pointed out that, between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Wolowitz: I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.
Sheldon: Apparently, a semi-incestuous Teens for Jesus hoedown didn't count.
Sheldon: You have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor. Is your womb available for rental?
Sheldon: At best, it's a modest leap forward from the technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
Season 3, Episode 23: "The Lunar Excitation"
Sheldon: That's not afternoon. That's prevening.Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you've been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.
Wolowitz: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow at 4:30, you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
Sheldon: I would snort with derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.
Sheldon: Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as one.
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Season 3, Episode 23: "The Lunar Excitation"
Sheldon: Yes, in 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.Sheldon: As a native Texan, I must say that I've never heard the phrase "yee haw" used in quite that context.
Penny: Oh God.
Sheldon: "Oh God." That I've heard on multiple occasions.
Sheldon: I should have brought an umbrella.
Leonard: What for? It's not gonna rain.
Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.
Season 3, Episode 22: "The Staircase Implementation"
Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?Leonard: Telling you?
Sheldon: That's not an apology; that's simply an acknowledgment that I was right.
Leonard: Okay, I'm sorry.
Sheldon: There you go.
Sheldon: I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
Leonard: What am I doing in your spam folder?
Sheldon: I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled, "this is funny."
Sheldon: Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series, "Firefly."
Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
Sheldon: Might as well settle it now; it's going to be on for years.
Season 3, Episode 21: "The Plimpton Stimulation"
Sheldon: Can I get you something? A feminine hygiene product or a bowel-regulating yogurt?Sheldon: Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays in the internal combustion engine.
Season 3, Episode 21: "The Plimpton Stimulation"
Leonard: Well, it wasn't my fault.Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?
Dr. Plimpton: What if there's a disaster that destroys all of the USB ports?
Sheldon: Then there's really no reason to live, is there?
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Leonard: I think any university would want you -- except, of course, any university that had already had you, because they would have already wanted you, before they, you know, got you.
Sheldon: From the mind that brought you "hi-lo."
Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days. I want her to feel at home; I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews, and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Leonard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Leonard: Yes, but mixed with a little bit of concern.
Season 3, Episode 20: "The Spaghetti Catalyst"
Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell-hound. Or. How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Sheldon: Allegiance to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
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Sheldon: Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.
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Sheldon: It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate to think that effort to be in vain.
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Season 3, Episode 19: "The Wheaton Recurrence"
Wheaton: Embrace the Dark Side!Sheldon: That's not even from your franchise!
