Season 3, Episode 19: "The Wheaton Recurrence"
Wheaton: Embrace the Dark Side!Sheldon: That's not even from your franchise!
Sheldon: This is for you
Penny: Ice cream?
Sheldon: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip, "Cathy." when she's upset she says, "ack" and eats ice cream.
Penny: Ack.
Sheldon: If you were a cat, I would have brought you lasagna.
Sheldon: Enjoy the accolades now,
Sheldon: A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the Bowling Pageant.
Wolowitz: Why is Leonard being a
Sheldon: Of course they are -- Leonard's being one.
Wolowitz: Okay forgot
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.
Season 3, Episode 18: "The Pants Alternative"
Sheldon: Didn't work. This alcohol is defective.Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."
Sheldon: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.
Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was
Leonard: How did you know you were a
Season 3, Episode 18: "The Pants Alternative"
Raj: These methods come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me conquer my own fears.Sheldon: And yet you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.
Penny: So what do you say, Sheldon, are we your
Sheldon: No, the
Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, buy you're not smaller than all of us put together.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that is what I meant.
Penny: I once got a pretty big honor in high school, and I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd, but I went through with it, and you know what? The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the corn queen's court.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'll bear that in mind if I'm ever nomianted for the hillbilly peace prize.
Leonard: What, to you, is a large crowd?
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 3, Episode 17: "The Precious Fragmentation"
Wolowitz: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to absorb her. Then I'd have a mole with hair in it, instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"
Season 3, Episode 16: "The Excelsior Acquisition"
Sheldon: How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for inter-stellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?
Sheldon: I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM's will lead the charge.
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
• Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon [about Stan Lee]: Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I'm sure ages 79 to 87 were just action packed.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 3, Episode 15: "The Large Hadron Collision"
Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.Penny: I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
• Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon: Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
• Rating: 9.6 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon: Do you recognize this?
Leonard: Not the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: Indeed, the roommate agreement. I call your attention to the friendship rider in Appendix C: Future Commitments, Number 37. In the event one friend is ever invited to visit the Large Haldron Collider, now under construction in Switzerland, he shall invite the other friend to accompany him.
Leonard: For god's sake!
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: We also put in what happens if one of us gets a MacArthur grant, or if one of us gets super powers, or if one of us turns into a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me, even if I turned.
Penny: Ts there anything in there if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little far fetched.
• Rating: 7.3 / 10 • Permalink
Season 3, Episode 14: "The Einstein Approximation"
Sheldon: One bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously.• Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon: Your cell phone was off.
Leonard: Because we didn't want to be
Sheldon: Well that didn't work out, now did it?
• Rating: 7.0 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon: I asked myself what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable and three answers came to mind: a toll booth employees, an Apple store genius, and what penny does. Because I don't like touch other peoples' coins and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.
• Rating: 9.9 / 10 • Permalink
Season 3, Episode 13: "The Bozeman Reaction"
Sheldon: Bozeman does have a comedy club called the Loony Bin. Please don't forward my mail there.• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Sheldon: Wonderful security system if we're attacked by a school of tuna
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