1. DO NOT ask stupid questions during a match or utter stupid remarks e.g. “Si I thought Messi plays 4 Barcelona!!!”
2. A soccer match is a testosterone filled contact sport. It is about will power, skill and team work. It is not a beauty pageant. So please, do not comment on the appearance of certain players or the uniforms esthetic value e.g. “I want Portugal to win. Christiano Ronaldo is so cute.”
3. As of 11th June to 11th July, all soap operas and talk shows are hereby forbidden and outlawed. The mere utterance of ‘Alehandro’ will be met by stiff penalties to the fullest extent of insults.
4. Ladies, you are expected to learn some basics about football before the world cup. This is to avoid any embarrassment to you or to your man. E.g. If the goalkeeper picks up the ball with his hands, do not cry out “HANDBALL!!!!”
5. Ladies, your man, that is your boyfriend or husband, by birthright, is not expected to perform any favors or chores during the course of the match. Football is sacred and any interference of this solemn ritual will be termed as sacrilege.
6. If you have anything to say to a man, take note that whatever it is, it is trivial in comparison to the football match. So please, a word of advice; true love waits till half time.
7. Ladies, you are expected to cook and provide refreshments for the boys as they watch a match. It is your duty. Embrace it.
8. In the case that an African team faces a non African team, you are expected by default to support our African brothers as they valiantly fight against Babylon. Do not; by any means support some Scandinavian country because you think their captain look like Micheal Scofield.
9. Ladies, please, do not complain why they are not passing the ball to the guy with the whistle. He’s the referee!
10. Finally, if your man’s team looses, mourn with him, you may even get him a beer. And insist that the ref was unfair and biased.
All ladies are hereby required to have firm knowledge of these guidelines, print them, and memorize them before the world cup
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